Uncertainty, unsettling feelings.

Well it's officially happening I am off to school at the end of July. I am freaking out. Not that there is any real reason to be freaking out. The course is short and probably not that much of a challenge. I am mostly freaked out at the idea of leaving Dan alone with the kids four nights a week. They can be a handful. Also, I am a control freak who just knows that the way he will do things is not the way I would do them. My fear is I will come home to two dirty, injured kids who haven't been fed and the house will look as if a tornado came ripping through with a vengeance. Who knows, maybe there is hope that he will not only do well but also exceed my expectations. As for now I must remain hopeful or I will chicken out as usual. I have a pretty sever anxiety disorder and I am sure that first week at school I will be breathing through a bag more than once. Yet another change is driving. I have an eminence fear of driving. I fear I will crash and die and leave my two beautiful girls with out a mother. That would be a horrible thing to happen and I would have to haunt them for the rest of there days. So now with school starting there is no way out I have to drive. I have to get used to being behind a wheel and driving. 16 year olds do it why can't I. I am not stupid I get the idea of driving I get how to use a car but my entire body shakes when I am behind the wheel. Not only is all that going on but in September I am moving into my fiancee's mothers house that she no longer uses in hopes of saving money to get a down payment established so we can buy our own home. There's two problems... It's awkward and there is no air conditioning. The first being but harder than the second to deal with. Fuck.... Me...... the next few months will suck!!!